okay.... messed up BIG time!!!!!! never ever ever ever again!!
i knew i shouldnt have done it but i did!!! i knew all along i shouldnt... i mean its not really a big thing but i have a very very strong conscience.... m not regretting that though... its wt saves me most of da tym! okay... so heres wat happened... m at my cousins place in bangalore... i came here on holiday... and my cousin was all set to get me, as sha says, 'scandalised' and made all the preparations for me to lose my 'mental virginity'' get me drunk...
yes m a sissy goody 2 shoes... turning eighteen but have nevr smoked or consumed alcohol or 'made-out' with a guy, which surprises every1... but i never once regretted tht... i, having personally observed the effects of alcohol and having learnt the ill- effects of tobacco, was never curious enough to try...right.. so i was at the part where my cousin planned to spoil me... one of her cousins... Rahul was supposedly depressed... so, taking advantage of the situation... my cousin, and another of her friends Vijesh decided to get him out of the house ( inspite of the fact that he was grounded) and help him cheer up... so i went along...it was all awesome at first... we went to a mall, met all their friends n all n went bowling too.. :P where after a strike, none of the balls i rolled felt like hittin ant of those bottle shaped things :p (m sure there was a name for it but i cant remember it right now) i guess they got over confidant...lol! haha...any way... after a super fun morning, the three of them decided to go clubbing in the evening - where eventually i was supposed to b 'spoiled' ... my cousin said not to worry cause they would take care of me blah blah! n i was silently prayin that something come up n save me... see the thing is that my cousin... shes extremely dominating...and intimidating... n im not that powerful... :( (stupid me!!! ) okay so then they were all deciding which club to go... n my mom called to say tht my grandma would feel bad that we were out the whole day n said to tell my cousin that we'll go out the next day...but i found a way out b4 realising tht it coulda been my potential way to get out of drinking... okay so then it was decided that we would go... my second escape possibility arrived tht afternoon..when i was home n my cousin said that i could if i wanted to , back out, so to this i said yes and said i could have fun without alcohol too, she agreed but then again started lecturing me on how i neednt worry blah! okay so again i was caught not because i went along with her but cause i wasnt strong with my opinion...she sensed it... okay so then i didnt have a choice... then thank god!! rahuls mom said that he wasnt allowed to go... tht was my third chance... and i was over joyed.. there was nothing they could do now... but can u believe them?? they told his mom that he broke up with his girlfriend n was depressed..n made him text his mom tht he had had enough n that he needed a break n tht he couldnt talk to his mom about every thing!!! OMG!! how do they come up with this stuff? anyway here his mom was worrying to death tht he is so depressed he might suicide or something.. .and so she let him come over to our place to "talk" to my cousin... in da night... during which course... we saw hangover 2... very funny movie.. really cute!! haha! okay so after movie his mom called to ask him to come back...and so my cousin told his mom that she had just got him to stop crying and that he had fallen asleep here.. what could his mom do? sigh...and then once he knew tht he could stay, the opened a big bottle of vodka... it was horrible n bitter... they kept pushing me to have... i didnt know wat to do... i had a sip... nothin great really happened but i needed to dilute it a lot to destroy its bitterness than god for that... i had 3 sips n one glass of super diluted like 1:10 ratio n one 10g shot... if u keep it in ur mouth too long...it becomes all bitter and ur mouth goes numb and when u swallow it burns down ur throat... till ur stomach...and ur stomach burns for a bit... well after tht i resorted to only fanta... okay so then...tht was me...everybody else had a lot more...at the end of the night the whole big bottle was over :o it was funny at first.. they were all smokin in the loo n drinking in the room... i was pretty strict abt the no smoking thing but couldnt bring tht force into the no alcohol... well as they strted getting high...rahul started becoming funny...his hands were everywhere... n i mean yea i probably dreamd tht when i did get the most perfect bf ever then he would probably b like tht (i am reconsidering that now too...i really wasnt what ud call "comfy")... weirdly it felt awkwardly nice... but i had to keep reminding myself tat he was high, had a girlfriend and was younger that me and was my cousins cousin thereby bein my cousin!... tho he seemed older and treated me as younger than him...it was really really awkward!!!! and i didnt know how to stop it or anythin...im the only one who can remimber clearly wat happened last night... and it was really weird cause i was enjoying it and trying to prevent it at the same time...thank god i could get away b4 his hands got on the wrong places...thts how they danceds in clubs he said...but i wasnt too comfortable... i know tht only when m comfortable with some1 doin all dat shit only then am i doing the right thing.. cause like i said i have a very strong conscience... i will not b comfortable doing anything tht i know i shouldnt be... therefore... i think i managed my self pretty okay and "protecting" myself from drunk ppl... well kinda... it wasnt like he was going to rape me or anything but it could have lead to me having unpleasant feeling of being used...which i am proud i prevented... well so continuing with my story... the guys were real nice tho i must say... they kept telling me not to have too much and didnt force me one bit... also vijesh turned out to b super nice...he would dance at a distance and it was fun!! :D really looked like retards dancing lol!! anyway... after tht...my cousin started acting all weird and all three of them puked and passed out.. my cousin and rahul told me to sleep on the same bed sayin theyll tell my grandma that they fell asleep watchin the movie if she asked...well heres wat i did...once they all passed out i quietly left the room and went to sleep in my room...by then it was 5:30...and then i woke up early at 7:20 to make sure tht i get my cousin into my room while my grandama goes for a bath so tht she doesnt get into trouble...but guess wat? my bad luck...grandma checked the room and found her sleepin in a bed sharing the same raazai wit 2 guys... she got very very mad...so now half the family knows the story and to top it off rahuls mom is really really mad at him too...tho i dont blame her...well...adn my grandma scolded us loads n loads...well mostly my cousin...but i feel its my fault too...i feel like im being shouted at cause i left her to get into trouble alone when infact i shoulda been wit her to help shoulder the pain...but my grandma woulda flipped!!! im telling u! i have a very gud reputation and i would like to keep it thankyu very much...i felt extremely bad about it but i dont know..i dnt seem to regret it tht much...but the guys were really sweet...really took care...i know...it is weird but...yes it was an unforgettable night jus like it was meant to b but jus in a slightly different sense...i mean i wish hope and pray that i dont have to go through this ever again in my life ever...i have to star learning how to handle peer pressure...and im feeling so horribly guilty...i mean my grandma in pune warned me right before i left not to do anything htat would bring her shame evn if my cousin did it... and my mom n dad trust me...they trust me soooo much i hate to break their trust...and although i have made new friends and hope to keep them for life..i promise never again to break my parents trust on me...i really really feel bad about it...i know...no1 knows about the alcohol bit...they only know abt the sleepin in same bed bit...but stilll i apologise to my parents for doing it...im still ur little girl daddy...i promise never to do it again even if ppl call me a 12 year old... i will only proceed when my conscience allows it , ie, when u and mommy allow it and i love u mommy...i know ul b heartbroken if u ever found out but...im prayin u dnt cause i hate to hurt u and promise never to do anything against my conscience ever again...i love u...i would rather have a boring, "non-high", risk-free and honest life than go through this over again...i cant take the stress and cant calm my conscience...i do not want u to lose confidence in me ever and im goin to try my best to keep it tht way... i am being responsible... i havent bougt one thing for myself...all the oney given has been spent only on travel as planned and for the reunion... im never breaking ur confidence ever again...altho u dnt know that i have..i promise u wont...i find all of this extremely disturbing...im never goin to hurt u ever again...
